Top 10 Writing Rules to be A awesomne Writter!!!11
1) Find your Voice:
For a long time I couldn't find my voice. I tried the usual (drugs, alcohol, reading, trance,) but the words weren't coming from the honest part of me. I wanted to be prophetic like Leary, logical like Kant, profound like Nietzsche, and funny like mimi smartypants. Of course, none of these people are me. Then I realized that I couldn't find my voice because I was looking with my eyes. I needed to be listening instead. My voice, all the meanwhile, was talking, yelling even. Screaming at times. It was like, "You need Thorazine! You need Thorazine!"
2) Some similes are real hard like a real hard jigsaw puzzle
See, I was going to write about how I don't often follow the past of least resistance, and how this is often to my disadvantage. It was going to be like, "like a blah-blah-blah, I don't follow the path of least resistance"....but now I realize that all things in nature follow the path of least resistance. It's not just for water! But any way, being the only thing in the universe that doesn't do this means I'm really unique; I'm so unique that similes can't be made about me because I'm just so special, like a snowflake.
3) Avoid cliches like the plague. Nuff said.
4) Beware: Metaphors are Jerks!
A metaphor is saying that something is what it actually isn't. In that sense, it's a socially acceptable lie. Well, not always socially acceptable (ex. "your wife is a troll"). In any event, if you've got one of those sensitive nervous systems, I would just stay away from these metaphors things. I once read a description of a sunset that was like, "the neon, golden quarter dropped into the slot machine horizon" or something, and I spent a month in a spun-out reality where the cosmic casino that is our universe had a dealer (God) who was playing the odds, which is why there are a lot of losers around. So be careful with your metaphors.
5) Experiment:
I'm a fan of experimentation. Here's one: Pick a sentence and find another way to say it. Or, choose and reword an already existing sentence. Another option: Reassemble verbal elements so that the meaning of a chosen sentence is replicated in a new one. The options are limitless.
Try writing verb-y (try to increase the number verbs per page up to 50%. Would that be a great advertisement? Imagine: Harry Potter, now 50% more verbs!!!!). Write while standing on your head.
6) Think about stuff, yo.
Thinking, as opposed to just having thoughts about random crap, is hard and most people are too sleepy for it and prefer the TV to do their thinking for them.
7) Be more Interesting!!!!
No I'm serious, you're dull. Pick something your interested in, or were interested in, or wonder if you might be interested in, and push it as far as it will go for an entire year. It could be magic tricks, quilting, boxing, tantra, or trying to make the world's most perfect sandwich EVAR!!!! (ps. nobody can judge that but me.)
8) Write
Most important advice for a writer. Here's something to get the ball rolling:
Imagine you woke up hungover at a friend's and he's gone to work and also, you're friggin way hungry. No car. You scour the place and find a pizza pocket in the freezer, but the microwave is broken, so you warm it in your crotch while you're writing a blog about writing. Then his father comes down and asks you, "Do you want some lunch?" OK, problem. You do technically want lunch, but if you answer in the affirmative, you have to go upstairs, which means taking the lap top off your lap and exposing the frozen pizza pockets nestled in your crotch. Saying "no" is the easy way out, but it's a lie. What do you do? Use the comment function to let me know.
9) Finish what you star
10)
1) Find your Voice:
For a long time I couldn't find my voice. I tried the usual (drugs, alcohol, reading, trance,) but the words weren't coming from the honest part of me. I wanted to be prophetic like Leary, logical like Kant, profound like Nietzsche, and funny like mimi smartypants. Of course, none of these people are me. Then I realized that I couldn't find my voice because I was looking with my eyes. I needed to be listening instead. My voice, all the meanwhile, was talking, yelling even. Screaming at times. It was like, "You need Thorazine! You need Thorazine!"
2) Some similes are real hard like a real hard jigsaw puzzle
See, I was going to write about how I don't often follow the past of least resistance, and how this is often to my disadvantage. It was going to be like, "like a blah-blah-blah, I don't follow the path of least resistance"....but now I realize that all things in nature follow the path of least resistance. It's not just for water! But any way, being the only thing in the universe that doesn't do this means I'm really unique; I'm so unique that similes can't be made about me because I'm just so special, like a snowflake.
3) Avoid cliches like the plague. Nuff said.
4) Beware: Metaphors are Jerks!
A metaphor is saying that something is what it actually isn't. In that sense, it's a socially acceptable lie. Well, not always socially acceptable (ex. "your wife is a troll"). In any event, if you've got one of those sensitive nervous systems, I would just stay away from these metaphors things. I once read a description of a sunset that was like, "the neon, golden quarter dropped into the slot machine horizon" or something, and I spent a month in a spun-out reality where the cosmic casino that is our universe had a dealer (God) who was playing the odds, which is why there are a lot of losers around. So be careful with your metaphors.
5) Experiment:
I'm a fan of experimentation. Here's one: Pick a sentence and find another way to say it. Or, choose and reword an already existing sentence. Another option: Reassemble verbal elements so that the meaning of a chosen sentence is replicated in a new one. The options are limitless.
Try writing verb-y (try to increase the number verbs per page up to 50%. Would that be a great advertisement? Imagine: Harry Potter, now 50% more verbs!!!!). Write while standing on your head.
6) Think about stuff, yo.
Thinking, as opposed to just having thoughts about random crap, is hard and most people are too sleepy for it and prefer the TV to do their thinking for them.
7) Be more Interesting!!!!
No I'm serious, you're dull. Pick something your interested in, or were interested in, or wonder if you might be interested in, and push it as far as it will go for an entire year. It could be magic tricks, quilting, boxing, tantra, or trying to make the world's most perfect sandwich EVAR!!!! (ps. nobody can judge that but me.)
8) Write
Most important advice for a writer. Here's something to get the ball rolling:
Imagine you woke up hungover at a friend's and he's gone to work and also, you're friggin way hungry. No car. You scour the place and find a pizza pocket in the freezer, but the microwave is broken, so you warm it in your crotch while you're writing a blog about writing. Then his father comes down and asks you, "Do you want some lunch?" OK, problem. You do technically want lunch, but if you answer in the affirmative, you have to go upstairs, which means taking the lap top off your lap and exposing the frozen pizza pockets nestled in your crotch. Saying "no" is the easy way out, but it's a lie. What do you do? Use the comment function to let me know.
9) Finish what you star
10)
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