I'm about to put all I own on my back and move on for the 4th time this year. It'll be the 6th or 7th city that 2011 has seen me live in. Inexplicably, I look to this move, more than the others, in the grip of the fear.
You know, the fear.
Unlike recent travels, this move won't even take me out of the province, let alone the country. Why the fear creeps over me I don't know; but I have my suspicions.
Fear is a physiological signal from the body indicating that it perceives danger. Yet I scan my environment finding no sharks, no tsunamis and no falling pianos from above. No danger.
OK heart and brain...what's up with the fear?
2 possibilities emerge:
1) Gas prices and unreasonable taxes from a forever interfering gooberment have me on edge. Live long enough in Canada and, this chronic anxiety eventually becomes unpleasant background noise. Maybe being new here, I haven't yet grown callous & uneasily apathetic to being systematically ripped off. Is the Canadian way causing the fear?
2) Maybe the fear is caused by some transgression of taboo. People are more unsettled of taboos then they usually realize (myself included). Find out your friend is incestuous, or the person you're having a conversation with is schizophrenic, or somebody in the neighborhood has HIV/AIDS... and you get he-be-jee-bees. If gays turn you running away, then homosexuality is a taboo for you.
What personal taboo could I possibly be transgressing by my current move?
The success/failure taboo. Tied into the move is a step towards a goal of mine--a step with the risks of failure. When merely traveling, 'failures' end up being adventures, which end up being awesome stories. In pursuing goals, failures end up being sucky. They become opportunities to let old wounds fester or to reinforce ideas like 'incompetent', 'unworthy', etc. Notice that not only failure, but success too can be a personal taboo. Succeeding at something might not be congruent with one's foundational and below-conscious self-conception. People like this literally (and usually subconsciously) believe themselves to be incapable, incompetent, unworthy and either explain away or ignore contrary evidence. Success ushers fear into a self-contemptuous psychological environment.
So, what's causing the unease? Is it financial burden, fear of failure, or fear of success?
The Humming Bird and the Tortoise
An open question.
What is your preferred life-style choice?
Is it the sugar high? A life-style that ends with you skidding across the finish line beaten up, on your last legs, screaming wooo hoooo!!!
Or a slow, calculated and enduring life, evenly measured in afternoon coffee spoons, where you come to an end on a lazy-boy?
You know, the fear.
 | |
| The Fear |
Unlike recent travels, this move won't even take me out of the province, let alone the country. Why the fear creeps over me I don't know; but I have my suspicions.
Fear is a physiological signal from the body indicating that it perceives danger. Yet I scan my environment finding no sharks, no tsunamis and no falling pianos from above. No danger.
OK heart and brain...what's up with the fear?
2 possibilities emerge:
1) Gas prices and unreasonable taxes from a forever interfering gooberment have me on edge. Live long enough in Canada and, this chronic anxiety eventually becomes unpleasant background noise. Maybe being new here, I haven't yet grown callous & uneasily apathetic to being systematically ripped off. Is the Canadian way causing the fear?
2) Maybe the fear is caused by some transgression of taboo. People are more unsettled of taboos then they usually realize (myself included). Find out your friend is incestuous, or the person you're having a conversation with is schizophrenic, or somebody in the neighborhood has HIV/AIDS... and you get he-be-jee-bees. If gays turn you running away, then homosexuality is a taboo for you.
What personal taboo could I possibly be transgressing by my current move?
The success/failure taboo. Tied into the move is a step towards a goal of mine--a step with the risks of failure. When merely traveling, 'failures' end up being adventures, which end up being awesome stories. In pursuing goals, failures end up being sucky. They become opportunities to let old wounds fester or to reinforce ideas like 'incompetent', 'unworthy', etc. Notice that not only failure, but success too can be a personal taboo. Succeeding at something might not be congruent with one's foundational and below-conscious self-conception. People like this literally (and usually subconsciously) believe themselves to be incapable, incompetent, unworthy and either explain away or ignore contrary evidence. Success ushers fear into a self-contemptuous psychological environment.
So, what's causing the unease? Is it financial burden, fear of failure, or fear of success?
The Humming Bird and the Tortoise
An open question.
What is your preferred life-style choice?
Is it the sugar high? A life-style that ends with you skidding across the finish line beaten up, on your last legs, screaming wooo hoooo!!!
Or a slow, calculated and enduring life, evenly measured in afternoon coffee spoons, where you come to an end on a lazy-boy?
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